Baseball, Shit & Religion

Baseball as a Religion

Calvinists believe the game is fixed.
Lutherans believe they can't win, but trust the Scorekeeper.
Natives circle the bases.
Hindus go around the bases many, many times before reaching home.
Materialists think the diamond is forever.
Anglicans gave the Catholics a reign check.
Quakers won't swing.
Orthodox Christians always have a no-hitter: They turn the other cheek.
Unitarians can catch anything.
Amish walk a lot.
Pagans sacrifice.
Jehovah's Witnesses are thrown out often.
Televangelists get caught stealing.
Episcopalians pass the plate.
Evangelicals make effective pitches.
Fundamentalists balk.
Mormon teams sign on all their relatives.
Baha'is think everyone should play.
Communists are out in left field.
Buddhists don't believe anyone is keeping score.
Taoists think the rules are restrictive.
When Catholics steal a base, they have to go to confession after the game.
The Lions couldn't touch Daniel leaving the Jews up one.
Adventists have a seventh-inning stretch.
Atheists refuse to have an Umpire.
Sabeans are stuck on first base.
Baptists want to play hardball.
Premillenialists expect the game to be called soon on account of
eternal darkness.
Catholics make a shortstop in purgatory before sliding into home.
The Pope claims never to have committed an error.
One player refused to shave (Sikh) and he was fined.
The Sufi base umpire was relieved because he was deep in thought and
missed a call.
Jews in general are waiting for wholesale tickets.
Law and Order crowd believes three strikes and you're in."

"So we are so scared of Islam we couldnt include "Muslims say that whatever the ref says is correct"?

"It cannot be easy being a Muslim in America at the moment.... For instance, there are some people in America that cannot tell the difference between Muslims -- of which there are hundreds of millions -- and terrorists. Now, just think for a second about quite how offensive that is. That's like if the Muslim world could not differentiate between American people and professional baseball players."

"Religious Shit

Taoism Shit happens.
Buddhism If shit happens, it's not really shit.
Islam If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.
Protestantism Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Judaism Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism This shit happened before.
Catholicism Shit happens because you're bad.
Hare Krishna Shit happens rama rama.
T.V. Evangelism Send more shit.
Atheism No shit.
Jehova's Witness Knock knock, shit happens.
Hedonism There's nothing like a good shit happening.
Christian Science Shit happens in your mind.
Agnosticism Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Rastafarianism Let's smoke this shit.
Existentialism What is shit anyway?
Stoicism This shit doesn't bother me.
Landmarkism ... if shit happens, clean it up and create a new possibility
Buddhism - shit is emptiness and emptiness is no other than shit :) (the prajnaparamita shitrya sutra)
Zen: It's all bull shit.