Breathe

"I wear something on my wrist that one would not expect a Presbyterian woman to wear: a thin red cotton cord that was blessed by the Dalai Lama, and given to me by my Buddhist friend Jack Kornfield. It’s quite ratty, with what look like rings of laundry lint circling it. I separate these rings with my thumbnail when I am fidgety, as if counting with the beads of an abacus.

Jack and I take walks every few weeks, when we are both in town, often in the hills above the meditation center he founded nearby. He teaches his students, and has taught me, to slow down, breathe, and take care of everyone, which is of course the same message Jesus taught—that breath is our connection to holy spirit, to our bodies, minds, and soul; and that if the devil can’t get you to sin, he’ll keep you busy. Jack is about my age and height, slight and very Jewish: he brought me homemade chicken soup last time I was sick in bed. He also seems vaguely East Indian, smooth and brown, and gives off a light, spicy, ancient smell.

Breathing has never been my strong suit. I’ve never been very good at breathing. When I was young, I was afraid that if I stopped remembering to breathe, I’d have cardiac arrest. I was always much better at holding my breath for long periods of time, the length of the pool, or of the tunnel that leads to the Golden Gate Bridge. At the age of two, I used to hold my breath in public until I passed out.

My first memory is of coming to on the planks of the boardwalk in Tiburon, my father nudging me from way high up, with his shoe. Then he reached down kindly and pulled me back to my feet. He had been dead several years before his sister told me that he used to hold his breath and pass out on the streets of Tokyo, where his parents were Presbyterian missionaries. I think he was a little angry: held breath is the ultimate withholding; you’re not taking anything in, you’re not putting anything out."
-- Anne Lamott, Plan B

Anne Lamott, dreadlocks intact, the "bad girl" of born-again Christianity, is still figuring out spiritual truth while keeping her progressive values and sense of humor.