Unstruck Sound

“I used to sit up on my bed, with my wife sleeping next to me. I was just listening to the inner sound, which starts as the sound of a radio before the station comes on air, around 300 Hz, and goes up into sharper frequencies.  For the first three days nothing happened. The next night I had felt as if a bomb was placed in my heart and I exploded into bits and pieces, thrown off to ends of galaxies.  I saw a blank screen on which about 10 sanskrit stanzas were written. Before I could read the first half of a line, it vanished. I remembered that: it was īśāvāsyam idam sarvaṁ. Then I blanked out. When I woke up, I was really scared....

For the first two days, again nothing happened. Then some tickling pleasant sensation started at the base of my spine, near the coccyx bone. Some thing started moving up, and I heard the familiar 300Hz sound in the heart, and it started rising up further. As it reached the neck, it was a roar, like a huge torrent. It seemed as if I was sitting on top of a volcano which was pushing me out of myself. Again I was scared. I did not have any clue as to what was happening, or how to cope with the situation.

Then I remembered that I used to see Saraswati in my childhood and prayed to her thus:

Saraswati, I bow to you. You give boons fulfilling my desires. I am beginning my studies. May I attain the  knowledge I desire. With eyes wide as lotus leaves, and color of the pistils of lotus, you sit on a lotus. Please, protect me.

She heard my prayer; her lovely smiling form appeared in front of me. “Why did you call me?” I said, “ Don’t you see? I am in danger. Please help me” She gave a big smile, and said, “I am giving you an experience of being out of yourself. Enjoy it.” I said, “Enjoy? I am dying!”  She said, “Don’t worry, this fear is temporary. It will pass. After this, there will be a few more unpleasant experiences, because there are stored memories in your genes, unknown to you. Whenever you are afraid, call me. I will take you out of danger. There will be many enjoyable experiences. I am with you, Have no fear” By this time the volcano vanished, and I was flying in sky peacefully like a swan, and I felt like a child in the lap of Saraswati.

As predicted there were a few nightmarish experiences, but I was confident: I could cope with them, with Her help. I realized then that it is most important to seek  divine power to help in crisis.

Saraswati became my Guru. She would come in my meditation (listening to inner sound), give me books to read in my meditation. Surprisingly, when I went to Bombay University library, I used to find the books I already read on the shelves. How could this be true? This shattered my rational beliefs. She showed me some of my past lives. After I saw two, I said enough, I don’t want to know any more. My past life showed the connection between me and my wife.

Then She used to take me to different places and times. I held Her little finger like a child. We would walk on rainbows. Wherever Her foot was placed, a beautiful lotus would appear under it. She took me to places and civilizations in other worlds, unfamiliar life forms. I would ask and she would answer.

“What comes after my death?”
“You go back to the elements. You become a spirit. Then you have the form of earth, water, fire, air, space and time.”
“Then how come you appear with a form?”
“You decide how you wish to see me, and I take that form out of the elements”
“How old are you?”
“Millions of years.”
“Then how come you appear so young?”
“We are really ageless beings. We can appear to have any age. I can be 9, 15, 18, 33, whatever age you wish to see me with any time.”

Such were my conversations with Her.

Once She was playing on Veena for hours together. I was rapturously listening to the heavenly music. After some time, I saw that my head replaced Hers! To my question what it means, she answered you come from my lineage. So you carry that name as a guru. “If I am to be a guru and someone asks me a question for which I don’t know the answer, what do I do?”   “When a question is put to you, an answer may spring to you in your mind. If it doesn’t, or it takes some time, understand that the solution is going to manifest in future, not immediately. Any case, don’t pretend you know all the answers. No one does. Not even me.”   “Why not you?” “The future is made by so many living beings together. So it is somewhat hazy.” “Can I change my destiny?” “Of course you can. But usually the environment plays a very large role in what is going to happen, not merely your action alone. So it appears that you can know your destiny in a statistical sense but can’t change it. But with an extraordinary effort which can influence your environment, you can change your own and the environment’s future. Look at the new paradigms and cooperation needed to understand genes, or make hardwares / softwares, or build mega structures or invent mathematics. Information drives action, and action drives information. This is the loop for expanding awareness; it can happen only with integrity and cooperation between thousands of people. Cooperation means surrender of a little sense of credit for doing, and shifting the focus to results”

For the next few months, I would see blobs of cloud like lights with bright colors dancing in front of me. I could not figure out what and who these were. They were sometimes more like dancing points of light, discovering and locking themselves into patterns which made sense. And I observed that as time went on, they became sharper and more defined. It was as if I was recognizing them and forcing them into a shape of my liking. Perhaps they were other spirit forms, who were trying to connect with me. My attention was giving them a shape. As they were taking clearer shapes, I could recognize some beings from the past; they were mostly in the left side of my visual field. And I would recognize some geometric shapes in the right side of my visual field. I knew they were future beings, higher in evolution than humans. The visions that were straight ahead, I could connect with other places in the present some place far away. In some way, past, present and future were mapped into left, middle and right fields of my view.

Around this time, I started reading about yantras. The first yantra is just a point. It has no dimensions through which it can be observed. I thought the next yantra is a circle, zero, a closed figure, a point in motion, which goes in cycles: away from itself to come back to the same point. It represented harmonic motion. But any kind of motion is impossible without space and time in which any vibration can move. So the creation of space and time should take place before any thing can move. How could the point, having zero dimensions, create something that is not zero? ... Dimension and dimensionlessness merge into the point. So the point represents nothing and everything. Who makes it this or that? “I”. It is not this or that, it is this and that.

So I thought that a triangle is the next to meditate upon. I started doing that by writing a triangle in my mind again and again. When any activity or an idea is repeated again and again, it becomes a mantra; mantra means repetition and protection which comes through that. Repetition of drawing the yantra in the mind was the mantra. Even constantly reminding oneself to speak only the truth (Satyam), or avoid violence(Ahimsa) can become mantras. Gandhi practiced them to get Independence for India from the British rule.

As I started writing a triangle in my mind’s field of vision, the first thing that happened was that it was getting perfect; from being hazy and ill defined to well defined perfect equilateral triangle. After that, it would stay there in front of me without effort. And then it started dancing...

Kamakhya means: kama = any desire, but more commonly sexual desire, akhya = name. It is the root cause, the womb, of any desire to manifest. It is driven by the pleasure of pairing of opposites, ecstasy of dance or music. It lights up one life from another by coupling two people, a sperm and egg into a new life. I saw her.

By this time, I left my job as a scientist; came back to my home town Vizag. Prompted by Saraswati, I performed a Deviyagam in which 3 acres of land was donated. It was located between Anakapalle and Sabbavaram, 33 km from Vizag. I saw Kamakhya, in a triangular yoni rock which is a symbol of the power of God to create new life. I was meditating there.

It was 12 noon. I heard the sound of anklets. I opened my eyes and saw a huge ball of light in front of me. It condensed into a female figure, her body made of  lightnings, bedecked in bridal attire, who spoke thus to me. “Will you do puja to me? I am Kamakhya.” I said “What a blessing!  But I don’t have any articles for puja.” She smiled and said, “I will visualize and they will come to you.” Once I agreed to do puja, she did a couple of strange things. First she bowed down to my feet. I was stunned. “What is the meaning of this?” I asked. She said, “You are going to be a Guru in my lineage. The people who worship me will bow down to you. I am all of them. You will promote yoni and linga pujas, and also of paired female and male energies to manifest new orders of consciousness through circle rituals. You will be a Kaula, meaning you will worship all, female, male and pairing energies” Then she removed Her jewelryand clothing without inhibitions. She opened up to me. I was familiar with the idea of nude worship in Bhairavi chakras. So I could accept its sacredness and power to produce higher life forms through congregation of egoless people in circles. Yet the idea of physically interacting with a divine power was totally new to me.

As promised, I would seek the articles of puja; and they would manifest by Her grace. When it came to bathing her, I looked at Her again. She looked at the sky, and clouds gathered, over us, we were drenched in rain. She took me in the rain walking to the place where the present Chakra temple is, and told me to build it like a pyramid, with all attendant deities, the main icon being Lalita on top of Siva creating new worlds of higher harmonies. To the question of how do I get the forms of attendant deities, she said, meditate, they will appear to you and play games with you. Don’t run away from their erotic plays, that is how they transmit their powers. Then we walked back to the yoni rock. I did puja to all her limbs till She was satisfied. She then embraced me, told me I will feel it always, and vanished into the triangular pit in the rock. How true it was! Whenever I was alone, I could feel Her gentle love play within me.

Balancing the aggressive male dance thandava with the soft female dance Lasya was Her intent. I left my job to build a temple for the goddess as instructed by Kamakhya to get men connect to divine shakti through worship of women.

Erotic love power of Krishna is called Hladini Shakti, one who gives enjoyment. She is more familiarly known as Radha. She came into my life. In the view of the world, She was parakiya, wife of another man, but in the larger view of Krishna who owns all powers, she is his own power, Svakiya. Also, it was important that puja be done to parakiya, not one’s own. Only then the full force of all social stigmas will come. Liberation wont come unless you cut away all such knots of I and mine. You can’t hide your shame with God who is inside of you looking at the world and watching you from outside, being the world.

The temple to be built had two major aspects to it. The first was the geometry of the pyramidal Srichakra called the Meru. It took 4 years, taking care to see the accuracy of the geometry of the yantra on ground. It was no mean task. I was helped at every stage of construction by Kamakhya. When in doubt, I would ask a question and She would answer, always in embrace. The second part was populating it with the deities of Khadgamala. The first part took four years of effort with Kamakhya being my consultant.  Hladini took over duties from Her. Then meditation on each deity of Khadga Mala, seeing Her form, posture and weapons, sitting with the sculptor and creating a beautiful female form, finishing the structure; all of these activities took 7 years. The Sri Meru temple in Devipuram was consecrated in 1994, 11 years after it was begun. During this phase, Hladini took all these forms and was constantly playing hide and seek erotic games with me. It was such a wonderful feeling, constantly feeling love to the untold beauties of nature.  I understood that Lalita and Hladini were the same!

Hladini told me the secret of the 16000 gopis dancing in a circle with Krishna. The Goloka is the pineal gland, between the neck and crown of head. Around the neck, there is a sixteen petal lotus. On the crown of head, there is a thousand petal lotus. If we connect all the 16 petals with each of the thousand petals we get the 16000 mental forms of Gopis. Krishna is the dark-unknowable-self reached only through silence. When mind is not silent, each Gopi is a loving dance form. Between two silences (Krishnas), there is a thought (Gopi). Between two thoughts (Gopis), there is a silence (Krishna). This is the circle dance. Goloka being the pineal gland, how true it is said, that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder!

Krishna was a true Guru. He told the Gopis, get rid of your body consciousness. Don’t cover your bodies; there is nothing to be ashamed of there. Love your bodies; they are the  temples I live in and adorn. Let go of inhibitions. Open your hearts and come as lovers to me. Then you will find peace in my arms. This is the story of Krishna stealing the clothes of bathing Gopis.
Hladini once dictated a Sahasra nama of Her. I could record about 993 names. A friend from Bombay took the only copy I had written. It never came back to me. Later I learned that it was eaten up by white ants! I could never get it back. Such is life. It is always pain and pleasure in balance.

I used to see circles with sharp glow around the edges. They were all the same size. They filled my entire field of vision. They were actually uniformly bright globes; but looked from a side, the center glow would show much less, the periphery would seem bright.  I was reminded of Fresnel interference rings in optics. And I would see one meditating figure in each of the spheres. It was as if the person was creating the halo around. The globes were close packed in a planar array. It couldn’t be 3d array because the globes would intersect. Were they different worlds, being created by people in deep meditation? I could never tell. This was a repeating pattern, I observed them when I was totally relaxed. They never came on demand; they came unexpectedly, suddenly, in meditation.

After I saw the vision for about 18 times or so, the sharpness gradually diminished at the edges, more colors entered them and they were bright disks, all same size. There were patterns in them, not unlike like the color blindness test patterns. They would stay for a few minutes, and then they would become grainy pixels, crumble and disappear altogether. I tried to figure it out, but could not.

In 1993, the SriChakra temple was consecrated. Thousands of people saw a steak of light with a head like a lingam drench the top spire of the temple and vanished into blue sky. By this time, Hladini   told me, don’t expect me in my human  form now. See my beauty everywhere. I will see through your eyes, and appreciate that whatever you are seeing is yourself. I am like a mirror, mirroring you to you. I wont be different from you any more. I will come as a thought, indistinguishable from your thought, for we are one. Then she reminded me that my name, Prahlada which means immense Hlada. 

Hlada means happiness. Prahlada was a great devotee of Vishnu, the consciousness of space. Vishnu extends to all space. Siva is the name given to extension in all of time; he is appropriately named Kaala, which means time. His consort is life-power, prana shakti, Kali. Time moves things. The thing moved loses its present position in space-time, we may say it died there. It appears at a new place-time, we may say it is born there. So movement of time kills the present state and creates the new state. They are both the same thing, looked at from different sides. So time, life/death, consciousness and power are all intimately connected.

Space-time is the called Vishnu-Siva; Energy-Life is its consort. In creation, she is Gouri, the manifesting mother. In annihilation, she is the de-manifesting Mother, the Kali. Matter is the child of the union between Space-time. It is called Brahma, the creator of life.
The next series of experiences were like a moving fold in a silken cloth decorated with fine threads of gold and silver. They would catch light, the glow lives for a little while and becomes dull. Miles and miles of the fabric would go on and on, never repeating. I was reminded of saint Kabir who used to compare God to a weaver of fabric of the cosmos. I saw a parallel to the cloth in the description of Lakshmi...

Golden hued, consort of Hari (Vishnu), she is made of fine threads of gold and silver, she is cool, radiating golden abundance, Lashmi; may the procreative fire get Her to me...

Recently I came across an article in New Scientist. I summarise it below.
Is your life the life of the universe?
This is the Vedantic idea, which says ” I am the creator.”

Is it possible that hearing the unstruck sound of anahata within a frequency range of 300 and 1500 hertz, is detecting the Planck’s Length sized grains at the edge of universe? That the attempts of Divine Mother to evolve us into divine beings at play here, in the miniscule earth we inhabit? May be! We will know soon, within our life time!”

~ Sri Amritananda Natha Saraswati (Guruji)