Deep Connection

“… I left for Burma with the idea of ordaining temporarily as a Buddhist monk. Taungpulu Kaba-aye Sayadaw is Rina’s teacher who became my teacher… when I met him he was exactly how I thought he was going to be. It was no surprise whatsoever. He was a pretty chilled-out monk. Pretty amazing. He is one of the most famous meditation masters in contemporary Burma. I remember being ordained in this forest monastery in central Burma. The ordination site was right next to these big palm trees. Every night as the sun goes down thousands of Crows collected to the trees and squawk and squawk. I had just been ordained and was standing under these trees and it seemed like hundreds of thousands of birds were squawking. It was so loud it was deafening and I just began to cry hysterically.

I could see my parents. They were so worried that I was just going to be a monk and never come back again. I was crying and apologizing to mom while at the same time I was telling her: “this is what I have to do. I have never experienced such deep happiness before in my life. This is what I was meant to do! It was a powerful cathartic moment. I loved being a monk, and it is not an easy life. I stayed at the monastery for the next one or two months and began to practice intensively. After I was ordained I was brought to a more remote meditation center. The main source of transportation was either walking or a skirt. There was no electricity. They brought me to a cave and they told me: “this is where you are going to stay.” (Laughter). Legend had it that there was a King cobra that lived in the roof of this cave. I never saw him I am glad to say it but there was a few times when I heard something moving around up there.

I lived in this cave for a while, just living the life of a forest monk. There was only one other westerner who was there. That was my friend Vesarajja. He and I became like a brother monks. He showed me the loops of being the forest monk. But mostly I was by myself doing sitting and walking meditations. We would get up every morning about 4 AM, collect our begging bowl and walk into town barefoot to beg for alms. Then we would come back and beat our one meal. That was it; one meal a day. Many nights we would do cemetery practice. We would go out from 10:00 PM until 2:00 AM. We would sit in the cemetery and practice mindfulness of death.

I live that life for a while. Eventually we invited Taungpulu Sayadaw and his group of monks and nuns to come back to the United States. It’s a long story but eventually the group of westerners and Burmese supporters were able to raise enough money to buy the property in Boulder Creek, California. We bought a six-acre place near Big Basin State Park and we started a forest monastery. I lived in that monastery for nearly nine years. I helped to take care of the monks as well as doing a lot of intensive practice.

In Burma the tradition of being a monk is that you never knock at anyone’s front door. You stop in front of their house on the dirt path. You never even walk on their property. You stop for a moment and if someone comes out or asks you to wait or gives you food and you get food. If no one is there or offers you food you just walk on. I also did this while I was a monk at Boulder Creek. There was a little town not too far from that monastery. I would stop in front of people’s homes each day and then walk on.

Finally a person opened up their door and said: “hey! What are you doing out there? I’ve seen you for the past three or four days.” I said: “I am a Buddhist monk from the monastery in the forest. I am practicing in ancient tradition of collecting alms. The tradition is that I just stopped in front of someone’s house and if someone offers us food we are happy to accept it. If not, I continue on.” The person said: “I grew up around a Christian monastery. I get this type of thing. Hold on I’m going to go get you something!” I went there to each day and they would offer me food. This spontaneous giving was really beautiful. It’s not begging. It’s stopping and allowing someone the opportunity to do a generous act. If not, no problem.

The monastery is still running in Boulder Creek. Once a year I hold a day-long retreat there as a benefit for the monastery. The monastery lives totally by donations from those who come there. Now I look back on those times in my life and I have such little time to do such intensive practice. A part of me misses that. But when I was among them I remember thinking: “oh, I wish I could be married and have kids!” It was a very powerful opportunity to have just endless days of hardly any responsibility other than just to be deep in the practice. It was a time of the lot of study, reading the texts of the Buddha, and lots and lots of time for practice. There was a lot of time of solitude… I’m very social and same way with teaching… but there is another part of me that could live like a hermit. I could live by myself and be OK with myself.

Being a monk is not an easy life. I don’t want to romanticize it one bit. To be a monk one has to let go of lots of things. In one sense it is about developing deeper and deeper freedom, but from the world's point of view there is a lot to be given up. For example you can only eat whatever is put into your hand, whatever is offered to you. You shouldn’t tell anyone what you like so that they give you that food. In your vows you say that you’ll sleep anywhere and if there is nowhere to sleep you’ll sleep under a tree or in the open air. Ultimately as a monk you give up food, lodging, medicine, and clothing. You are totally dependent on laypeople for cloth to make robes and for food. If you don’t get food you just live without food.

Also as a monk you live with, narrowly speaking, 227 precepts. Broadly speaking, there could be hundreds or thousands of precepts. You keep rules of conduct that help you live a life of integrity and blamelessness. One of the things is that we are celibate. There are four major rules. One of them is not to cause a schism in the order. Another one is to claim that you have reached a certain spiritual state that you haven’t in fact reached then you are out of the order for the rest of your life. Automatic lifetime expulsion also comes with killing or sexual intercourse.

The reason these rules came about is that at first there were no rules. But one after another these incidents happened. People complained to the Buddha saying: “hey! This guy is supposed to be a holy man but he’s out doing this and doing that!” So these rules were born. To live a celibate life in our western world is very difficult. You have a shaved head, you’re wearing robes. Not many westerners… not many people… can live that sort of life. So I don't want to romanticize the life of a monk. On the other hand monks are totally taking care of. In the Buddhist Texts there is a poem that goes: “A householder’s life is full of strife, While a monk flies high in the sky As free as a bird.”

So part of the life of a monk is that you don’t have any responsibilities toward anyone or anything. People generally offer you food but if not you practice contentment… just going without. You’re not engaged in world affairs. You are being supported by the lay community. This is why donations are considered the field of merit. If you make an offering to a month or in monastery you get something good out of it. And it also helps to support the monks.

Monks and nuns provide a spiritual sustenance to the lay community. The lay community provides the material sustenance for the monastic community. It’s a very interesting exchange that happens when the monks have the time and space to meditate and do nothing else but meditate. Of course some monks take this more seriously than others. Some become a scholar monks and book-learners. Others hang around and smoke cigars and enjoy the free ride. They’re not doing bad, but as one person said: “there are many priests but few monks.” Particularly in Burma when you’re getting old, getting tired you can become a monk and be supported by the monastery and live a fairly decent life. Looking at this from the Burmese perspective you are gaining good wholesome actions and maybe in your next rebirth these things will benefit you.

While I was living at the monastery my teacher, Dr. Rina Sircar, encouraged to me to get my Ph.D. I’m really glad that I listen to her advice. We actually have a sitting meditation center in San Francisco so I would spend the night there and do my coursework. I wrote my dissertation while I was in the monastery, which had one of the best Buddhist libraries on the West Coast. I finished my Ph.D. in philosophy and religion specializing in Buddhism and Buddhist psychology…

Hlaing Tet Sayadaw Was an incredible monk. He was one of my main teachers and I lived with him closely for more than eight years. I’ve learned so much from him! He was the manifestation of the phrase: “mind your own dharma!” He had the type of presence that didn’t have a presence. Some people have a lot of energy and charisma to their name. Taungpulu Sayadaw was like that, even though he didn’t have a big ego about it. There was just something about him that people were drawn to him. But Hlaing Tet Sayadaw could be sitting in the room with us here right now and we might not notice him. He was the opposite of charisma. He held such an opposite notion of charisma that at one point he began to stick out like a sore thumb. I remember thinking: “Who is this guy who doesn’t assume anything about himself?”

Sometimes we would go house chanting. We would chant in front of people’s homes. We would have to bring the monks in the vehicle in the older monks insisted on sitting in the front. There was a pecking order with the lesser monks in the back. But Hlaing Tet Sayadaw never assumed that he would sit in the front. He had such humility. He was also very, very quiet. Many people wanted him to teach but he was reluctant. He wasn’t into being a teacher or being known for being famous. He was truly the most content person I have ever met in my entire life. He was fine to sit in his room and meditate and look at dharma books.

It was extraordinary to be in his presence; to be around someone who was so contented within himself. Yet he assumed no self-importance. I had such a deep connection to him. I loved him so much. He was like a grandfather to me. My son’s middle name is named after him. Hlaing Tet was the teacher from Hlaing Tet village. Taungpulu Sayadaw was the teacher from Taungpulu village.

He and I share the same birthdays. We’re born on Tuesday. In Burmese astrology that is connected with the moon. In Burmese culture if you’re born on the same day as another person you will either be friends for life or not at all. Hlaing Tet Sayadaw and I were just so close. I studied with him, I took care of him, I learned so much from him about meditation and dharma and presence and kindness and humility and love. He died at the age of 98.

I think this is why I am now beginning to teach meditations… that these monks have taught me so many years ago. There is something about the passing of the baton. There is hardly a day that goes by that I don’t think of Hlaing Tet Sayadaw or talk with him. He is so deep in my heart.”

~ Bob Stahl is a long-time practitioner of insight meditation, lived in a Buddhist monastery for over eight years. He has a PhD in Philosophy and Religion with a specialization in Buddhist Studies, and now directs Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction programs in six Bay Area medical centers. Bob studied with the renowned Burmese masters Taungpulu Kaba-Aye Sayadaw, Hlaing Tet Sayadaw, Dr. Rina Sircar and Pokokhu Sayadaw, and has experience with 32 parts of the body, 4 elements and charnel ground meditations. Bob has completed training with Jon Kabat-Zinn and is a certified mindfulness-based stress reduction teacher having been certified by UMass Medical Center.

Photos                                                                                            
~ Hlaing Tet Sayadaw, and Pakhokku Sayadaw (both of the Taungpulu tradition)                                  
~ Sayadaw and venerable friend                                                                                               
~ Creating a new sima boundary, with a young Jack Kornfield observing (among others)
~ Bob Stahl, PhD