One day, looking within for the ‘I’ for the millionth time, I found there was no "I" anywhere… In fact there was no one home to watch the store so to speak. It was quite scary. All that there was, was emptiness inside; and without an I inside, there was no opposing "thou” outside… It was a knowing that I, as a person, did not exist AS AN OBJECT of any sort, even in my own subjectivity! That is, I was not in this world. I was not out of this world. I was the world!..
Two weeks later I had a second experience where I suddenly witnessed that the states of consciousness come and go through me, and I felt that I existed separate from them and they did not touch me, whatever I was, and I had no idea what was. That is, I realized that everything, everything in life, all the objects in the drama of the waking state, and the dream state, as well as the absolute dissolution of consciousness in the deep sleep state, were like clouds that pass through me or by me, and with which I temporarily identified, but my real identity had nothing to do with them. That is, I now found I was not “of” this world; I was something entirely beyond this existence which flashed and changed so much. I was apart, solid, permanent and real. This was another self-realization.
Robert accepted the second of these experiences as enlightenment. As he said, you're either awake or you're not. I was now awakened to the nature of mind and consciousness and the real me from which the world sprang, and I could now witness as “other.” Yet, later, I was grabbed by a great depression after that awakening caused by Robert's death and the death of my favorite cat. That depression lasted for three years. You might also say my “self” was also dying, and that too caused a depression. So here I was, awakened but depressed. So what is the story here?...
I started talking about Bhakta, and the need for love to complete the journey back into humanity, the marketplace. I talked about enlightenment like reaching first and second base as in baseball, and the journey back as going home, filled with the drama of being human, facing your own vulnerability and brokenness, and this was essential for completion of the path…The reality of spiritual paths are they are more difficult than most people want to deal with…
The very great Zen master Joshu was asked how many Satoris or awakenings had he had. Joshu responded that he had 17 great awakenings and thousands of minor awakenings. Joshu spent 60 years between the time of his first awakening and when he first accepted students. He spent 60 years after the first awakening, expanding and deepening it, and then bringing it into his personal life and returning to the world.
Nisargadatta met his teacher in 1933 and had his awakening in 1936. He then traveled as a wandering monk for two years visiting many shrines, temples, and teachers across India, until he recognized there was no difference in his beingness no matter where he was. He spend many years discussing all aspects of consciousness and the absolute with another disciple of his teacher, wherein they both worked out the concepts he put forward in the book “I Am That.” He was still maturing, learning, changing, even though he already had a firm grasp on the absolute…
All of the great ones had a post awakening sadhana, including Ramana Maharishi, who spent many years sitting alone in Samadhi before he ever accepted his first student…One can get great teachings, great insights and great methods from Ramana and Nisargadatta, but the value of a living guru cannot be denied. Every moment I was around Robert, I was feeling his emptiness, which penetrated my bones. It was an example of how I could and should be. And as Robert admitted, he was always working on me, cooking me, putting me in situations where I felt uncomfortable, got angry or jealous, and exposed my "issues" to deal with them so they would not arise again. He was working on me to become personally more empty, more humble, more modest, more surrendered to him and life.
Yes, Robert was a Mukti, and it is solely God that operated through him, so to speak, but that does not mean you need to be in the presence of a Mukti to awaken. One might say, as with parenting, a good-enough guru will do, one whose life reflects honor, integrity and truth. In fact, a deep and loving relationship with another, where both are willing and able to go deep, and who share a deep bond of love and deep trust, can do wonders in both cooking each other, and burning through vasanas in relatively short order. If one is open, honest, and courageous, almost every situation can help us become more pure, more like the breath of the divine.
Thus the love of a good enough guru, or of a “soulmate” is essential to galvanize one’s spiritual efforts and travel along one’s own path to completion. Rarely is one’s love of a dead guru found in books, or for God, enough to keep us going, while a relationship with a guru or lover can take you all the way. One can seek and experience various Samadhis and transcendental states, even awaken, and still be engaged in clearing up vasanas either through meditation, burning at the feet of a guru or lover, or raising children and working a 9 to 5 job…
However, I highly, highly recommend that when it comes to spirituality, you select one guru and one method as your focus, and all the rest will fall into place. Otherwise, visiting many gurus, reading many books, and trying many practices will ONLY LEAD TO confusion and the dissipation of spiritual energy, Samadhi-power, will rob your endeavors of the energy necessary for liberation.”
~ Ed Muzika
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