Allah Made Me Funny

“Well, ladies and gentlemen, notice that I said ladies and gentlemen, women obviously are superior to men, the fact that the only reason we have to have this debate is because men refuse to accept it. I will prove to you that women are indeed superior to men by making a series of logical arguments, which will be impossible to rebut, especially when you look at these people. There are many ways in which women are superior to men, I could stand here and lecture you all day, but instead I only have a few minutes, so I'll focus on three very important ways. When you want to choose somebody to be your partner, you generally want to choose somebody who's smart, somebody who's kind and somebody who's attractive.

As it turns out women are smarter than men, kinder and gentler and nicer than men and certainly far more attractive. First of all, it's a proven fact, women have a higher IQ than men, across the world that's a fact. They also have higher emotional intelligence, think about it, have you ever been in a debate with a woman and actually won? That holds true whether you're a man or a woman; when a woman debates a woman it's always a tie, always. Don't forget that. Woman are kinder and gentler and nicer than men, think about it, if you have to be in a car accident would you rather the person in the other car be a man or a woman? And if you're in a car accident chances are the driver's probably a woman, let's be honest. Let me just, as an aside, I'm just putting it out there. And people say in the Middle East:

'Woman are not superior to men, they can't even drive'. Women are the ones who made that rule because they want to have drivers take them everywhere, generally those drivers are men. So women are smarter, women are kinder, gentler, nicer, but most importantly, I would say, 'cause this is absolutely irrefutable, women are more attractive. Women are beautiful, men are disgusting. You have no idea how much work went into me looking this presentable, and I still look scary. I have little kids, my kids' friends think I'm a monster; 'Where the Wild Things Are' - standing right here. So, the fact of the matter is women are indeed superior to men in all of the key ways; now there is one way in which men are indeed superior to women, they're physically stronger. That's true, men are stronger than women, but let's think about something. What have men used all that strength to do? Spread evil in the world, that's all they do.

Everything evil happening in the world is caused by men. War? Men. Crime? Men. Economic financial meltdown in the whole world? Men. Abuse of natural resources, destruction of the earth? Men. High heels? Men. Thong underwear? Men. Let's be honest here, everything evil happening in the world ladies and gentlemen is caused by men. There's a lot of stereotypes about men and women, okay. Hollywood tends to perpetuate these stereotypes more than anyone else. Since I'm here in the Arab world amongst a group of predominantly Muslim people, I'm going to share something from the heart.

Can I do that? Can I do that? If you think about, what are the two biggest stereotypes about Muslim men and Muslim women? Muslim men are terrorists, Muslim women are oppressed. Have these people been inside of a Muslim household? Because if you bother to investigate you quickly figure you have it exactly opposite. That's right, Muslim women are terrorists, Muslim men are oppressed. They talk a big game: 'Yeah, that's what I said. Isn't that right honey?' unless they're rich Arabs in the Gulf then they go: 'Isn't that right honey, honey, honey?'

I always love the fact that half the audience doesn't get that joke, why's she running around the house so much? So many mirrors. I do watch a show in America that I enjoy tremendously, I'm sure you guys get it here on satellite television, it's called The Bachelor. You guys watch this show? Every time I watch that I have to admit I always imagine what it would be like if they made that show in the Middle East. That would be entertainment. There's a little guy, he'd get down to the last four girls and be like: 'I cannot make up my mind. All four of you come with me'. And finally, since I am in the Arab world I'd like to say something about Arab men. Can I do that? Can I do that? I grew up with Arabs, I'm from Chicago, Illinois, the hometown of President Barack Obama, and I grew up with a lot of Arab people. I love Arabs  (Speaks in Arabic: He who is speaking Arabic is Arabic).

But I want to say something about Arabs, Arab men have some hot blood, that's right, I said it. I think Arab men have the same gene as Latino women. Because no matter what they're talking about somehow the temperature starts to rise. This is a one hundred percent true story, I'm from Chicago, there was an Egyptian brother, really nice guy. Every time he gives a talk, every time he gives a speech, no matter what he's talking about the temperature starts to rise. This is a true story, this is what he said one time, he goes: 'We have to love each other, we have to love each other', I was like: 'Dude, I'm not feeling the love right now. A little less love, man; too much love'. But here's a little trick ladies and gentlemen, I'll leave you with this, if you ever find yourself in a situation with the Arab dude and the temperature's starting to rise too high, you can always calm him down. It's a little magic trick, are you ready? You just go like this (makes hand gesture)... I don't know what this is, it's like a little upside down pinch of salt: 'Brother, brother, have some humus'. Thank you very much. Peace.”

~ Trancript Comedy special: This House believes women are superior to men
Monday May 24 2010 MOTION PASSED by 67% to 33%
The Doha Debates are a unique venture in the Arab world, providing a battleground for conflicting opinions and arguments about the major political topics of the region.Although the Debates are financed by the Qatar Foundation for Education, Science and Community Development, no government, official body or broadcaster has any control over what is said at the sessions or who is invited.

~ Azhar Usman is a standup comedian, actor, writer, playwright, and producer who has been called "America's funniest Muslim" (CNN) and was named one of the 500 most influential Muslims in the world (Georgetown University). Legendary comedian Dave Chappelle, for whom Usman has opened more than 50 times, called him “untouchable…a comedian from the future.” Usman has performed in more than 20 countries across five continents with Allah Made Me Funny, the comedy troupe he co-founded. As a writer, he’s worked with Hasan Minhaj for the 2017 White House Correspondents Dinner, as well as on stand-up specials for Minhaj, Hannibal Buress, and Dave Chappelle. Attacking stereotypes and sensitive topics with humour and insight, Usman manages to make audiences laugh and think in equal parts.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcwBNqHnJkU