Absolutely Useless

What shall I do when I am old and still not enlightened? The Master replied:
Jump for joy!   
- Rainer Loveiam

What am I supposed to get out of this?
It's absolutely useless!

"•The Retired Zen Master was asked: “What is this Zen all about?” The Zen Master replied: “Cherimoyas and Bananas Taste better when you are enlightened That is why I grow them myself”
•The student asked the Zen master: “Where did life originate?” The Zen master replied: “Look around you fool”
•The student asked the Zen master: “When will you retire?” The Zen Master replied: “When I finish Publishing my E-book on Smashwords I need an income Governments don’t give food stamps To retired Zen Masters The economy is really bad”
•The student asked the Zen master: “Where was I before I was born?” The Zen master replied: “You were not in my monastery”
•The student asked the Zen master: “I know it has been asked before. Does a dog have Buddha nature?” The Zen master replied: “I never heard this question before The last days of the Buddha Were spent barking at his students Does a Buddha have Buddha nature? May be the Buddha knows But how would he know In the midst of barking? He was always surrounded by doubters And he loved dogs.”
•The student asked the Zen master: “Why do I have 5 fingers on my hand?” The Zen master replied: “So you can stick 5 fingers up your ass Or anywhere else Please yourself”
•The student asked the Zen master: “What is the meaning of life?” The Zen master replied: “Don’t you have enough to worry about?”
•The student asked the Zen master: “What is birth like and what is death like?” The Zen master replied: “It’s all a matter of perspective”
•The student asked the Zen Master: “When will I become like Buddha?” The Zen master replied: “Buddha who?”
•What is the sound of one hand clapping? “The sound of one hand clapping” Was transmitted to his ashes And lives as an echo Somewhere in time Happy now?
•The student asked the Zen master: “Why am I here?” The Zen master replied: “A kitchen knife is all we have”
•The Zen master asked the student: “Why are you here?” The student replied: “I came here for enlightenment But since I have met you I believe in the benefit of the doubt”
•The student asked the Zen master: “How come you live in these lousy conditions?” The Zen master replied: “I am like you I come from a poor family”
•The student asked the Zen master: “How long do I have to sit Before anything happens?” The Zen master replied: “Go and sit in a brothel instead”
•The student asked the Zen master: “Why are you here?” The Zen master replied: “I have no other choice”
•The student asked the Zen master: “How long before I become enlightened?” The Zen master replied: “Stick around Have a bowel movement after every meal”
•The student asked the Zen master: “How can I quiet my mind?” The Zen master replied: “Never mind”
•The student asked the Zen master: “Can you show me the path?” The Zen master replied: “Do you like eternity?”
•The senior student asked the Zen master: “I have been sitting for 12 years in this hall with you Isn’t it time you tell me something?” The Zen master replied: “I am not going anywhere”
•The student asked the Zen master: “If I am not mistaken You are the Zen master And know a few things.” The Zen master replied: “What do you mean by a few things? I am absolutely useless”
•The student asked the Zen master: “Is there a shortcut to enlightenment?” The Zen master replied: ___________________”
~ Rainer Loveiam, When The Zen Dust Settles - Zen Koans Of A Retired Zen Master