Not Mindreaders

WE ARE NOT EACH OTHER'S MIND-READERS

If I want or need something, I can always ask. I have the right to ask. Asking is not selfish, unkind or narcissistic. Asking can be an expression of love, too. A way to connect through our vulnerability. I don’t expect anyone else to read my mind,  to magically know what I want, need or feel,  to automatically satisfy me, without my having to speak up. I won’t confuse love with mind-reading. (This is a deep wound from childhood). Asking is not the same as demanding. (No matter what we were taught). In asking, I give the other person freedom to provide what I want, or not. To listen, or not. To take me seriously, or not. To be empathic and loving, or to shame me for asking.

In asking, I discover the other person. I get to know them more deeply. In demanding, there is the threat of punishment. In demanding, I make the other person my slave. In asking, there is space. Room for the yes and the no. In asking, there is friendship, respect, trust. And I don’t pretend to be a mind-reader myself! I don't pretend that I can magically know what someone else is feeling, wanting or needing. Instead, I can ask them. Respect them by asking them. Or give them the space to speak up for themselves. Either way, I can listen to their wishes. Even if they trigger discomfort in me. And I accept that I may sometimes be stuck in my own projections.

I am not a mind-reader. So I never have to feel guilty for not fully comprehending someone else's experience. However much I genuinely care. And nobody else is a mind-reader. So I don’t have to punish anyone, or try to make them feel bad, for not seeing me, knowing me, fulfilling me. What a relief. To be fully responsible for my own happiness. And to speak truth. And to be fully open to receiving it.

- Jeff Foster