No Words

No doubt whatsoever about definite results accruing to those undergo a course of training under a competent teacher ~ U Ba Khin

“I retired to the pagoda, took my vows and received a blessing from U Ba Khin. I sat down on a mat cross-legged in the lotus posture and closed my eyes but without allowing sleep to come. I stayed that way until about three in the morning… The atmosphere was relaxing, there was always the heady scent of flowers in the air and there were kindly, unsophisticated people from many countries to meet and exchange conversation with… I had come with the firm intention to throw out all my preconceived ideas on the course my search should take; I drifted… And to my great joy I found that at last my mind could be made quiet…

I had drastically underestimated it. There was much much more… I noticed that deep concentration came more easily and quickly this time than it had previously. In about three days the mind was clear, crystal clear. It was ready to proceed through this complete freedom from all thought to vipassana or insight. At this stage my teacher instructed me to be aware of the cellular movements and the active, impermanent nature of the body processes. In time, and with a determination not to rush things, I found I could do this. I was told to start at the top of my head and slowly work on down the body to the tips of my toes, applying a truly penetrating concentration to each part on the way. Gradually I became aware of tingling sensations throughout those parts of my body upon which this intense concentration was focused. When concentration was directed to my right hand, for instance, I experienced the wild dance of electrons producing a warm glow throughout the hand, and the same effect was achieved on each part of my person in turn.

The effect was remarkable. After a few days of this practice I was fully aware of the true nature of the physical structure of the body as being impermanent and subject to change. I had read about this and I had been told about it. Now I was actually experiencing it for myself. The keen awareness of this molecular motion was beginning to produce a glow of heat—and are we not taught in science that when there is motion there is friction and friction produces heat? With further contemplation my awareness turned to the impermanent and transitory nature of the perceptions and there was a keen awareness of their rising and passing. I was becoming clearly aware of the oscillating nature of all bodily and physical processes.

The concept of anicca was becoming crystal clear and although I had learned of molecular and atomic theories I was now, with the microscope-like eye of a clear mind, actually experiencing the facts that were previously only theories. Besides experiencing the atomic theories in action in my own body, and as they related to my senses and perceptions, all I had learned of the science of vibration was becoming a conscious part of me. My mind reflected on the various aspects of vibration from sub-sonic sounds to the sound frequencies, ultrasonic, radio frequencies, very high frequencies, ultra violet, x-rays, cosmic radiations.

My mind was ranging through the whole gamut of vibrations and their speeds and wave lengths, and how they were all part and parcel of every existing thing as well as having an influence on my life. My body was getting warmer during this period. The more I persisted in my meditations the hotter I grew although the temperature in the pagoda remained uniform and moderate. Soon it felt as if it would be consumed with the intense heat that was manifesting itself. In Buddhist terms I knew what was happening: I was repaying my karmic debts for past misdeeds in a concentrated form.

At this point the teacher made me take a vow to remain perfectly still for one hour periods without moving. I was to make no movement of any kind, not even flick an eyebrow. Knowing this would be an extreme test of will I agreed. The heat and pain became intense. The suffering was more than unbearable, it was searing and terrible, but persistence and perseverance had been demanded and I had agreed to it. Buddha’s teachings on the nature of suffering became clearly experienced through my entire being. It was like fire, burning and scorching. And naturally the desire to be free from the agony was intense also. The slightest movement of the body would bring instant relief, but only for a moment, after which the agony would return when I sat still again.

As the days passed the pain persisted, and as the pain persisted so did my desire to be free from it. But there was to be no relief—perhaps a gradual simmering down, but no relief so long as I desired relief. My mind reflected on anicca again and it occurred to me that if everything was subject to change so was dukkha or suffering. As long as the mind was functioning in its usual egocentric fashion suffering was bound to continue. There was an intense desire to be free from suffering and this very desire was perpetuating the suffering. This must have been the turning point, my moment of truth.

Suddenly, at a point of supreme frustration, my mind stopped functioning for it realized it could not bring about a cessation of dukkha. The desire to be free from suffering ceased as the realization occurred that it could not be sought after and brought about. There was an infinitesimal attachment to the self and suddenly, like a bolt of lightning, something snapped and when the search stopped there was relief. It was an extraordinary and, for me, totally unprecedented experience.

“There was an indescribable calm. There was cool equanimity that seemed to fill and encompass entirety. There was everything and nothing, a peace which passes all understanding. The mind and body were transcended. The mind was quiet. It was not pleasure as we understand the word; joy comes nearer to expressing the experience. There are no longer any words to carry on with.” These were the sentences I wrote down later in a quite inadequate attempt to record the superb moment of my enlightenment. I cannot, and never will, lose the memory of that moment. It will always remain absolutely unforgettable and ineradicable in my mind. It was the culmination, rich beyond all my expectations, of the search. It was the fulfillment and justification of all my hopes. It is useless to try to convey to the reader the full meaning which this strange and truly wonderful experience had for me. A quiet mind is what many yearn for and if I can at least show that this so elusive state is attainable, that the seemingly impossible can be achieved, than I shall have amply succeeded in the purpose of this account.

For me a quiet mind was top priority. The stresses to which my mind had been subjected as an espionage agent living, as he is bound to live, a kind of double life with its frequent incidence of such emotions as anxiety, pain and fear are the stresses everyone experiences but in a concentrated form. For a spy, one might say, the emotional strains of a lifetime are telescoped into a few short, hectic years. My need for a quiet mind was urgent. But it is no less important for a business executive under pressure or a housewife harassed by an irritable husband or a kitchen-full of screaming kids. The end result is the same and the yearning for release is the same…

My experience of anicca which means the change, impermanence, transitoriness of all things, and vipassana, the understanding of the true nature of self, the awareness of self, was certainly a turning point in my life. I had found what I was looking for, I was, to some extent at least, “enlightened”. But as I have already indicated this new and valuable state was not an end in itself. Perhaps I had expected it to be just that, but having attained it I then found—and I think half expected this too—that it was only a beginning. Being attuned, switched on, initiated, call it what you will, I now found many further doors opened, leading to a richer life. One potent force that was awakened in me was the desire to pass on to others what I had learned and share the enjoyment and fulfilment of it…

That night I returned for the last time to the tiny wedge-shaped meditation room in the gold pagoda with which I had become so familiar. I stayed there until nearly three. When I emerged the center was in total darkness under the black Burmese sky from which shone a million bright stars. The only sound was the low murmuring of night insects. The world was asleep. I made my way to bed, sad at the thought that in only a few hours I should be leaving Rangoon and the oasis of light and peace that surrounded this gentle old man who, with charm, grace and vast good humour, had such a unique capacity for imparting peace of mind to those who sought his teaching…

I heard nothing of U Ba Khin until some months after Eve and I had arrived back at our home just outside London. One morning a neatly typed letter was delivered, postmarked Rangoon, and in it U Ba Khin told me I had been selected to give Buddhist-Dhamma instruction to new students on his behalf. He gave me precise guidance on how to go about selecting students and what course of tuition to give them… He cautioned me to forget about money if I was going to give courses. Success depended on the quality of the teaching and not upon any money that came “by stretching out both your hands…”

That night in the pagoda when the search ended, a search which had led me to many strange and wonderful parts of the world and in which I had directed my inquiries to many unconventional philosophies and diverse practices, was a night which has had far-reaching consequences. I knew a quiet mind at last. I knew the very fact that a quiet mind is attainable, which is a rare sort of knowledge. Maybe I was right when I wrote later, “There are no more words.”

~ John Coleman, The Quiet Mind
Working for the CIA, Mr Coleman used his free time to explore different spiritual paths, as documented in his book The Quiet Mind (1971). After several attempts to study Vipassanā meditation with different monks in Thailand, his search for peace of mind and liberating insights came to fruition in Yangon/Rangoon under the tutelage of the great Vipassanā meditation master Sayagyi U Ba Khin, who had established the International Meditation Center. "My enthusiasm to learn let me down. I spent a good part of my time analyzing, speculating, making copious notes, and in my zeal I’m afraid I missed the whole object of the exercise." "I put away all my notebooks, pencils and papers and tape recorder and prepared myself to let come what may." He describes how he immersed himself in the experience of Vipassanā. He went through stages familiar to any meditator. And once he stopped striving to understand, understanding came to him in a moment of transcendent insight. He writes, "I cannot, and never will, lose the memory of that moment. It will always remain absolutely unforgettable and ineradicable in my mind." ~ Wikipedia