Cheeky Layman

"The Layman named P’ang-yun was a Confucian scholar who became concerned about the nature of the human condition and sought to understand the reality of it.

In the first year of the Chen-yuan period, the Layman went to' see Zen Master Shih-t’ou and asked him, “What about someone who has no connection with the ten thousand dharmas?”

Shih-t’ou put his hand over the Laymans mouth, and the Layman had a sudden realization.

One day Shih-t’ou said, “I’ve come to visit you. What have you been doing?”
The Layman said, “If you’re asking what I do every day, there’s nothing to say about it.” Shih-t’ou said, “What did you think you were doing before I asked you about it?” The Layman made up a verse:

What I do every day
Is nothing special:
I simply stumble around.
What I do is not thought out,
Where I go is unplanned.
No matter who tries to leave their mark,
The hills and dales are not impressed.
Collecting firewood and carrying water
Are prayers that reach the gods.

Shih-t'ou approved, saying, “So, are you going to wear black or white?*
The Layman said, ''I will do whatever is best.”
It came to pass that he never shaved his head to join the sangha.

*(Black robes were worn by monks, and white robes were
worn by laypeople.)

When the Layman decided to leave Yueh-shans temple, Yueh-shan instructed ten novice monks to escort him to the front gate. At that time, the Layman pointed to the falling snow and said, “The snow is so beautiful; each
flake lands in the same place.”

One among the group of monks asked, “Where do they fall?”
The Layman slapped him.

Another of the monks said, “Aren’t you being a bit cheeky?”

The Layman said, “What about you? Calling yourself a novice monk when Satan still has a hold on you.”

The monk said, “What do you mean?”

The Layman slapped him also, and said, “Looking but not seeing; speaking but saying nothing.”

One day when Ch’i-feng and the Layman had gone out for a walk, the Layman was a step ahead of Ch’i-feng and he said, “As I am a step ahead, I must be stronger than the teacher.”

Ch’i-feng said, “It’s not that I’m behind; it’s just that senior citizens are allowed to go first.”

The Layman said, “When someone has an affliction, it is not polite to mention their affliction.”

Ch’i-feng said, “I’m afraid you’re not content in your old age!”

The Layman said, “If I were not content about the afflictions of old age, what would you do to give me relief?”

Ch’i-feng said, “If I had a stick handy, I’d beat you until my arm hurt.”

The Layman slapped Ch’i-feng, saying, “Just a small beating would do.”

Ch'i-feng picked up a stick, but the Layman grabbed it from him and said, “Right here and right now, the thief has been robbed blind ”

Ch'i-feng laughed and said, “Is it that I'm so dull, or that you are so sharp?”

The Layman clapped his hands and said, “Even-steven, even-steven.”"